I couldn't decide how to do it, but there was a flash of lightening and the thunder roared so loud it knocked me off balance leaving my ears ringing. My roommate is gonna be livid at me for wrecking his room but I had to find it. At least I didn't stain the carpet in his room tho. I think I might've gotten some on the wall too, it's gonna be a nightmare to clean up. It's just been a long day, a long week, a long month, hell, a long year. And it's nobody to really talk to, everybody has their own life and own set of issues. I don't really want to bog them down with my burdens. They probably wouldn't understand anyways. Plus I know somebody is gonna hit me with the "God isn't gonna give you more than you can bare, just pray on it, I'll pray for you". Well prayers don't pay bills, money does. Because if that's all it took I'd be a quadrillionaire with calloused kneecaps by now. I'm not trying to seem judgmental but I've seen some shady people catch some big breaks. Whether it be monetary, status, or relationships...and I'm here like, what the hell have I been so nice for? What are they doing that I'm not? How is it I start somewhere before somebody and they surpass me? Now I'm rummaging around trying to scrape up change to eat, pay my probation for that bogus $2000 ticket that cop gave me, calling the debt collectors to get an extension on payments, tryna avoid eviction. I can't even pay to put gas in my car to get to work to make money to put gas in my car. Not to mention I'm still riding dirty since I can't afford car insurance. And I don't get how I'm the faithful one in the relationship while everybody else finds the love of their life, but I get the ungrateful wackadoodle. I wish somebody would just genuinely give a damn sometimes, it doesn't take much to care. I mean I can't even get in touch with friends I thought I was close with because they think I'm gonna ask them for money or something, which I hardly ever do. That's the real reason I've stopped reaching out because there's no point. If they really cared they'd check in on me. They would've peeped the statuses I left on my timeline to hint that "I'm in need of you friend". Instead I have to watch everyone else living it up via social media. I bet they didn't even notice I deactivated all of my accounts because my phone has been dryer than my sense of humor. My roommate is off the Tramadol so I couldn't steal those anymore. Now I can't sleep without drinking some Zzzquil to ease my nerves. The liquor and sex is no longer numbing. Avoiding mirrors beyond a simple glance. Nobody cares...all you had to do was care...my ears have finally stopped ringing but everything is so muffled now. I think I hear someone calling my name, I can't really distinguish who. My head hurts too bad and I'm too tired to move. I think I see some boots but why'd they dim the lights...it's maybe...my eyes, they're so heavy. I need to close them for bit. I'm so sleepy. I just need to... rest...