Spiritual cleansing, all the binging in sin, hold me under, a little longer to be safe. My flesh hungers, it says it's needed, to feed it, hell, it feels so damned good. Dancing in the lions den. Demons delight when I let them in, come on chameleon, your fickle nature negates the prayer you prayed when preyed by them that dwell in the dim. Spirit slim flesh fat, flesh clean spirit tat. Miracle light needed to remove that, combat every craving desperation admiration at what lust must be, it whispers just trust me. It yearns for me when I'm all alone in my thoughts all I hear is knock knock knock. Peter piper pull your pepper out, leave your essence on your slouch socks or be a sly fox hit up a vixen and say you'll beat the box. I hope this demon really kicks the rocks, as I wash away all my sins today and accept the one that was sent to pay. Potentially I'm meant to be the greatest man that I can be but not without river first immersing then re birthing me. Draw me out,am I clean? Am I free? Surely.
I couldn't decide how to do it, but there was a flash of lightening and the thunder roared so loud it knocked me off balance leaving my ears ringing. My roommate is gonna be livid at me for wrecking his room but I had to find it. At least I didn't stain the carpet in his room tho. I think I might've gotten some on the wall too, it's gonna be a nightmare to clean up. It's just been a long day, a long week, a long month, hell, a long year. And it's nobody to really talk to, everybody has their own life and own set of issues. I don't really want to bog them down with my burdens. They probably wouldn't understand anyways. Plus I know somebody is gonna hit me with the "God isn't gonna give you more than you can bare, just pray on it, I'll pray for you". Well prayers don't pay bills, money does. Because if that's all it took I'd be a quadrillionaire with calloused kneecaps by now. I'm not trying to seem judgmental but I've seen some shady people catch some big breaks. Whether it be monetary, status, or relationships...and I'm here like, what the hell have I been so nice for? What are they doing that I'm not? How is it I start somewhere before somebody and they surpass me? Now I'm rummaging around trying to scrape up change to eat, pay my probation for that bogus $2000 ticket that cop gave me, calling the debt collectors to get an extension on payments, tryna avoid eviction. I can't even pay to put gas in my car to get to work to make money to put gas in my car. Not to mention I'm still riding dirty since I can't afford car insurance. And I don't get how I'm the faithful one in the relationship while everybody else finds the love of their life, but I get the ungrateful wackadoodle. I wish somebody would just genuinely give a damn sometimes, it doesn't take much to care. I mean I can't even get in touch with friends I thought I was close with because they think I'm gonna ask them for money or something, which I hardly ever do. That's the real reason I've stopped reaching out because there's no point. If they really cared they'd check in on me. They would've peeped the statuses I left on my timeline to hint that "I'm in need of you friend". Instead I have to watch everyone else living it up via social media. I bet they didn't even notice I deactivated all of my accounts because my phone has been dryer than my sense of humor. My roommate is off the Tramadol so I couldn't steal those anymore. Now I can't sleep without drinking some Zzzquil to ease my nerves. The liquor and sex is no longer numbing. Avoiding mirrors beyond a simple glance. Nobody cares...all you had to do was care...my ears have finally stopped ringing but everything is so muffled now. I think I hear someone calling my name, I can't really distinguish who. My head hurts too bad and I'm too tired to move. I think I see some boots but why'd they dim the lights...it's maybe...my eyes, they're so heavy. I need to close them for bit. I'm so sleepy. I just need to... rest...
To Whom It May Concern,
It's been a hot little minute I hope that you're doing great. I got my health and my wits so I guess I'm doing straight. How is your mama, your granny, and your four legged child? I hear your brother is taller, and he's chasing girls now. Heard you done stacked up some paper and went from Honda to Beemer, browsed thru your blog that you built to voice single lady's demeanor. I presume things turned stranger after the break up I guess, I thought that we were much closer but I will give that a rest. Just tell her that I forgive her and all that time wasn't her's. I mean I swore she was the one but you live and you learn. Meanwhile I'm patiently awaiting for the break I still believe in, had a vision just the other weekend, I was in my own sea waving.
I always dream about you every time before you call back home, mom dukes says it's crazy. I know your sight is kind of hazy, you've been living your life shady, blood is thick it never phased me. While on the yellow brick road, Dorothy just stay out them poppies. I know the pain that you feel cause we ain't both have our papis. Just put yourself in position so that you never will copy. You already know my creed, only the grim reaper stops me. As for your niece she is beautiful and she's growing so smart, her favorite food is spaghetti and favorite shape is a heart. I know it's hard to believe but we still believe in you, they just don't understand your stance when there is greatness in you. Meanwhile I'm patiently awaiting for the break I still believe in, had a vision just the other weekend, I was in my own sea waving.
I'm writing this open letter to whomever it concerns. To my brother, my besties, and any bridges I burned. I know we may have grown distant but you're still deep in my prayers. Just know that I still got love for you and I'll always be there. No matter the calendar, time won't tear us apart. I don't carry a grudge so where we stopped we can start. So when you're done pressing pause, we are family well nearly. I couldn't have a better circle and I mean that.
Meanwhile I'm patiently awaiting for the break I still believe in, had a vision just the other weekend, I was in my own sea waving.
Everybody claims they're with you but I know it's all lies. You're so foreign and everybody professes they want you but they only want pieces of you never aiming to piece you together. Just bcuz they catch one of your feathers they think they're fly, lies. I want you in totality and unfiltered. That's where you intimidate most, you break down the boastful, humble the proud. So beautiful to have, you elevate my sex appeal. Not to mention you go both ways, so you encourage me to share you. Bearing fruit so sweet, you have a thing for the meek but your light really shines during orgies or rather our more frequent menage a trois. Some may despise, yet they wouldn't dare call you slutty. Hell it ain't real if I can't share you with my buddies anyways, though I lost a few wanting no parts of you so they're in hell anyway. I'm just overjoyed you finally decided to mingle with us commoners bcuz it was commonly perceived you only ran with the rich which made us feel like shit, but now they look at you like "look at this bitch". They sell you for money like money is power, they prostitute you and forgot you were ours, they killed our forefathers when you ran with them first, now you're returning home their guns again burst. You're power you're precious and showed me myself, my value your value you're vital to health, you're sexy you're soulful tho exceeding in mileage I'm in love with this girl and her name is Black Knowledge.
I've done my part. I've avoided jail, gone to college and have 3 degrees. I didn't have to make it shucking and jiving nor running and hooping. I'm not like those others that sold drugs or gang banged, I stayed on the straight and narrow with a six figure income. I'm no statistic! I'm not like them, honestly I don't even like them, because all they want to do is smoke, drink, and talk about how much money they're gonna make by doing whatever get rich quick scams. They're all schemers and dreamers, well I'm a doer and if you grant me this partnership for my business, I'll take you from making Ms to Bs....but you gotta help a nigga, please!
I know your type, you're all the same, Coons to the core. You jigaboos are all so entertaining, I love your reality TV shows, all of that drama and you guys are still broke after your shows. You wannabes will never be a Kardashian. Remember your place and who's the master race, I mean if you all were the "first people", God made us whites to get it right. Realizing He made a planet of the Apes, He flooded the world to get rid of you non swimming, dense bone having, baboons. How you all keep surviving is your only testament, you all are like roaches, no matter how many elaborate ways we conjure to exterminate you moon crickets, all you do is keep making more niggletes. Honestly, your women, are a marvel to look at, while laying on their backs. And your men, if they're not in jail, are on our screens doing our bidding because they want money not freedom. We let you have your little moment of black lives matter and ruffle some feathers with your racially charged movies. We don't care! Think about it now, you niggers don't even trust each other, how are you ever going to overcome anything? and you expect to sit at the elite table with me...nigger please!
Wake up! I hear you my sister. I know your struggle in trusting a brother. I respect you, you know your worth and deserve all the finer things. But let me drop a jewel on being a black queen, Never! give up on your black kings. I see you my studious brother. Well accomplished, don't get it wrong your people are proud of you. Your folks may come with their hands out for help but before you go to isolate yourself let me drop my two pennies on your road to riches, no matter how much you try to be like them they're still going to see you as one of us, niggas. Often imitated but never duplicated, you want to be us don't you, you love the ass tits lips and the bronzish skin, you know the words to our songs jock our style and slang, culture vultures how are yall playing a bunch of Africans? Oh you were chained hands to feet drug over seas hung from trees? Nah your agenda for me keep them appeased with weak mc's that look like me, they search and seize like shoot then freeze then shoot the breeze while families grieve, I sees no cease, cops on us like fleas my hands are up officer, I cant! Hold on give me a second to breathe...now we see your Trump card, thank you disparaging AmeriKKKa attempting to bury my history so vividly remembering what master did to me give us free, but not before you trap our minds and life's okay as long as it remains black on black crimes just listen to our rhymes so while all of our women are bitches and dimes, my bro sashays from BPA, my sister thinks stripping is okay but yet say she a queen now Bey say slay in formation with lyrics that have nothing to do with saving our black generation, yet elation exist with you all this must be a joke bcuz ain't no such thing as half way woke! Retribution for the prostitution, pollution, and lies. Restitution from whence we came, royalty. It's clear you hear your fear in the air, the heirs are here awake to what's theirs. Never depleted never defeated, praying for power never to plead it if ever seen on our knees, so if anyone ever tells you you're no king you're no queen none of yall will ever be free! Look them in the eyes and say...nigga please!
The education, de-education, desensitize, double burger with fries, remember the cheese, please remember the cheese, ramifications, they squeeze if you sneeze, a soldier no ease, sleep deprivation, the black man, emasculated, alpha the male, Liam Neesan The Grey, the blackmail, bow your head as they prey, I am the wolf, see me lurk in the bush, my vice is the bush, now there's life in the bush, fruit of my loins, deleted with coins, euthanize, youths will die, inoculation, depopulation, the greatest of nations, financial segregation, mother is Sodom, father is Edom, aunty Gomorrah, we're slaves to our freedom, we swore it away the moment we pledged our allegiance, join'em to beat'em, that ain't the answer, it pays to play metaphor erotic dancer, can't stick together, look at the Panthers, diabetes AIDS syphilis all the cancers, crabs in a barrel aimed at each other to cancel us, next was Ebola, always been the patrollers, they set up the pins, watch how they bowl us, no silver spoon, but born to rule, cocooned in the hood, being dumb as we should, find a righteous way to hatch we would if we could, all of this planned while you swim in the womb, but dry your eyes butterfly you'll be flying soon.